December 31, 2008

this whole "baby thing."

I've avoided this post for a while because I'm not sure how to articulate what I'm feeling and I'm not sure how to not offend anyone, either. I will say that upfront: My intent is not to offend anyone. Ok?

I'm just not sure about this whole "baby thing." In light of everyone in the world (ok, except maybe two or three of my friends), everyone I know is pregnant or has kids already. It comes as a shock to my system everytime I hear the wonderful news and this question rings in my head like a resounding gong each time, too: "What the hell is wrong with me?"

I talk a lot of junk, but at the core, I am not anywhere close to wanting kids. At all. I love the freedom I have with my husband. I love getting to know him more intimately as each year passes. I like having money to spend and places to go and things to do with no cares in the world. I love my life the way it is. I want for nothing.

So again...is something wrong with me?

I awoke to a very sad fact a day or two ago when emailing a good friend of mine: I have never, not once, in my life or childhood thought/day-dreamed about being a mother. Not once. In recent years the thought has occurred to me about having kids, naturally. But you know how some women dream of being a mommy since they were little, walking around with their dolleys, etc.? Yeah...that was never me.

I did, however, always day-dream about as husband. I've always, always, always known that I was meant to be a wife. That was always the biggest desire of my heart, the thing I was most passionate about. And I was lucky enough to get the amazing husband. Now what? I feel...and here it goes...that my life is complete already. Is that so terrible?

I think it's incredibly selfish to bring a child into this world if you are not desperately, unrelentingly, absolutely crazy about the idea of having your own child. (I am not referring to "accidents" here. I believe God has His hand in those, and that's another post altogether). I don't want to be selfish. I want to have a child when I can think of nothing else I'd rather do. I'm not there yet. And I have to wonder: Does that make me not woman enough? Am I not Godly enough? Am I not mature enough? And the zinger: Will I ever be?

I don't know if I'll ever wake up and the want for a child will be crystal clear. I just don't know that. I do know, however, that I am not going to have a baby for the sake of having a baby. I'm not going to do it just because society thinks I should. I'm not going to do it to "add" something to the dynamic I have with my husband. I am only going to do it when I know in my heart and soul and body and brain that I am meant to and that it is my time. And it's just not there right now. I don't know if it ever will be.

Ideally, and this is so silly, I'd like to get pregnant on "accident." I've been taking a birth control pill every night of my life for the last 8 years. And I don't plan on stopping anytime soon. I think it'd be easier to handle (for some reason) if I were to find out I was pregnant even on the pill -- because then it WOULD be God's design, it would be His timing and not my own. That way, I could consider it a gift, a Divine Sign that it was indeed, part of my life's plan. But...that's just crazy talk.

I am happy for my friends and family who have reached that part of their lives. I really am. And I love baby snuggles and coo's and baby feet and baby smell and all that. I just hate that news of someone else's little miracle makes me feel like a total failure.

December 30, 2008

a great 3rd anniversary...again.

As you know, Aaron and I have two anniversaries. From the day we "signed the papers" (June 24, 2005) and the day we got all gussied up and had the formal ceremony (December 30, 2005).

It's quite nice to have two anniversaries.

We went to dinner at one of our favorite restaurants, Cantina Laredo, and then we went and saw Valkyrie. What a good night!!

Happy three years to us!

here's the new blog.

If only those old-timey shakey-shake machines really worked...presenting 500 a day for 30 days.

You fools keep me accountable. If I don't post, I expect e-lashings.

No clue what I'm talking about? Read post below.

a new blog, a new challenge...but definitely NOT a new year's resolution.

So, I'm thinking about conducting an experiment, a research study if you will, on the effects of burning 500 calories a day for 30 days straight. What will it do?

I think I'm going to find out.

Aaron got me this pretty amazing calorie-counting watch/sensor thingie and I can't wait to try it out. I've always wondered how effective my workouts really were. This watch-a-roo is going to tell me!

So...what happens to a 26-year-old, slightly overweight body when it burns 500 calories a day for 30 days straight (and doesn't drastically alter its eating patterns, by the way)?

We're gonna find out! This intensive study begins on January 1, 2009. I'll have a new blog posted sometime between now and then.

For now, I will enjoy my last few days of sloth. Ahhhhhhh....

December 28, 2008

such sad news!

The shoot with Ryan didn't go as planned and I was unable to successfully get the shots I wanted because...well...he just wasn't havin' it!

The poor thing was so upset whenever he wasn't in someone's arms, bless his heart. I didn't want 200 shots of a crying baby, so we nixed the shoot and are going to try again in a few weeks.

So sad!!

December 26, 2008

new photos cometh.

I am about to head out to take Mr. Ryan's newborn pictures! I can't wait!! They'll be posted on Backflip soon and very soon.

Hope everyone is having a wonderful day!

December 25, 2008

a merry christmas despite the sniffles.

So, it's almost 2 p.m. and Aaron and I just finished unwrapping our gifts. The food coma has sort of set in and I am fighting the urge to take a nap.

We woke up around 10 a.m. and I made pancakes, bacon, and scrambled eggs for breakfast. Yum Yum! Then we opened our gifts while enjoying the Josh Groban Noel CD playing in the background. I tell you what - when he and Brian McKnight sing "Angels We Have Heard on High", I cry like a baby. Every time!! Brian comes in with his velvet voice and sings, "Come to Bethlehem..." That's all it takes. Water works. Gushing.

Now Aaron is in the living room playing Fable II and I am looking up movie times. We want to see Marley & Me and Valkyrie tonight. We just might make a marathon out of it. I am NOT wearing mascara to Marley & Me, since I know it's going to make me bawl. I'm almost anxious about seeing this movie because it's going to be rough. I just know it. Dogs and babies, man. Nothing gets to me more!

Other than that, life is good. I am still sick as ever, but what can ya do?

I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas! Hug your babies and husbands and remember what today is really about. What an amazing gift He gave.

December 24, 2008

why, whY, wHY, WHY???!?!

Of course fate would have it that I woke up on Christmas Eve with a terrible cold and other flu-like symptoms. I have a headache, I'm nauseated, my nose is running, my eyes are itchy, I'm coughy, and achey all over.

All I want to do is go get my groceries so I can make Spinach Dip, Bread Pudding, and something festive for dinner tomorrow night. All I wanna do is finish the mountain of laundry, set up my espresso machine (still haven't gotten to that), and work on some crafts/decor for our house. Oh, and did I mention that Aaron and I are supposed to go to his PawPaw's house tonight for dinner? It sounded great when we planned it. Now? Not so much.

WHY?!?!?!?!

December 23, 2008

things are coming together nicely.

Life is good.

I have figured out this whole "job" situation. I knew I didn't want a 9-5 doing something I hated, so I've been looking around for little things I can do here and there. And here's what I've come up with.
  • I am still freelance writing.
  • I am taking photos (which I LOVE more than anything in the world).
  • I am going to tutor a few hours a week at Sylvan starting in January.
  • And I am going to be "babysitting" three adorable baby boys whenever their mama needs me.
I love how all of this just sort of fell into place. The best things usually always do. This will keep me busy, they're things I love, and they all pay pretty well, considering I still have all the free time in the world.

Now to wrap presents, wash clothes, clean the house, and set up my new espresso machine!!

P.S. Congratulations to Sara! I can't wait to see little Benjamin!!!!

December 20, 2008

and so she graduated...

"The professors at UALR looked upon what she had made and saw that it was good. And thus, on December 18, 2008 declared, 'It is finished.'"

-- The book of Cassandra

It's finally over! I have my Master's of Arts in Journalism. Can I get a whoop whoop?

Here are some pictures of the week's festivities. The first are from the "graduation dinner" on Tuesday night. We were supposed to go to Capeo (had reservations and everything), but since the clouds all decided to fall out of the sky the night before, weather was horrible and the restaurant was closed. We quickly changed locations to Kan Pai. I had never been there before but it turns out that they have an excellent Philadelphia Roll. All was well, even though I was really looking forward to an Italian Margarita and some spaghetti carbonara. Ah well. My friends were there and that's all that mattered. That and Aaron gave me a wonderful toast over dinner and made me cry. I love him.

Me and my hubby extraordinairre.
Shannon, Kelly, and Chad
Austin, Shannon, and Janae
Our hibachi master, Bagi.
Rice mountain.
Lana, Al, and Shilo
The whole gang. I have super-hot friends.
The ceremony was great, too. I got to sit by my Journalism peeps -- all two of them -- and besides the off-color comments made by the PA goon sitting next to me every time a Middle Eastern name was called -- the ceremony went off without a hitch. Here's some pictures and a video at the end. I am sooooo glad it's over!!! So now I am officially Master Cassandra. You can all call me that, too.

I will say, though, that I was a bit jealous of the "wizards" in their PhD garb. I can't have someone be better than me. I'm thinking a PhD is in store for yours truly. Just not anytime soon.



Me and money bags. ;)
Mama and me. Does this gown make my butt look big? Ha!
Note the excitement in my mother-in-law's voice when they call my name. LOL.

December 19, 2008

December 16, 2008

picture tag.

The object of the picture tag is to:
1) Choose the 4th folder where you store your pictures on your computer
2) Select the 4th picture in the folder
3) Explain the picture
4) Tag 4 people to do the same
NO CHEATING! (cropping, editing, etc!)


This picture was taken at the Hines' wedding in April. Too bad nothing more interesting popped up, but I didn't want to lie!

I tag whoever wants to play! :)

December 15, 2008

camera detox.

I'm waiting for a call back from a potential "employer" and for 11:30 to roll around so I can pick up Kelly and get some lunch. Thought I'd unload my camera. I'm bored. Can ya tell?

Oh, before I forget: I went to the chiropractor this morning and everything is looking (and feeling) so much better that I don't have to go back for another month! Woohoo!!

Ok, picture time:

These were taken at the 50AS Christmas party. Good times.



Like the hair? I was channeling Kate Beckinsale in Pearl Harbor meets Betty Page. I loved it! Too bad the pictures don't do it justice. It was oh-so-retro and so much fun! Two-fifths of us are pregnant in the above picture...and no, I'm not one of them.

These were taken yesterday at the shooting range. I call this one "Don't Mess with Me, Sucka!"

And here's Aaron shooting his 45. This new hobby of ours is quite Mr. and Mrs. Smith, if you ask me.

Ok, so that wasn't that interesting after all. Is it lunch time yet?

December 11, 2008

ramblings.

I started the Couch to 5K running schedule. I've stuck to it this week, so far. I need to go run today and then I can check it off my list. Week One: Complete.

Aaron bought me this amazing pillow at Relax the Back. Ever since I've been sleeping with it my back has felt so much better! I think it's the chiro/pillow combo that has FINALLY got me feeling normal again. Yay for a good husband who bought a massive body pillow in the shape of a candy cane!

Aside from the running, I have been quite the dump lately. Aaron has been flying nights so we've been sleeping in until laaaaaaaate. Like, ridiculously late. Ah, well. Live it up, right kablot?

Speaking of kablot, I really liked the comment she left for me a few days ago. She's right. Why not enjoy it while I can? Getting a job would be nice, but I refuse - I repeat - REFUSE to take a job just for the sake of taking a job. I want something I enjoy that pays equal to or more than what teaching did. I think it's possible, people. Just maybe not here and maybe not now. Thank you, kablot, for your words of encouragement :)

I think part time is the way for me to go -- at least while we're in central AR. It's so hard to dive into a career not knowing when or if you'll be leaving soon. I rushed to get my Master's done this term because I thought we were moving in the summer. Now, we've been told we might not leave until 2010. There's always that asterisks -- maybe leaving until 2010. Not sure. It's a possibility. It's likely, but not official. How frustrating!!! I'd love to jump into a career (teaching at the college, writing for the paper, etc.) but I hate to start things and not finish them, especially something I am passionate about.

Has anyone had a really fun and enjoyable part time job? What was it? Do you think working at a bookstore or Starbucks would really suck after the first month or two?

Think about it and get back to me. ;)

December 9, 2008

9mms or 45's. you take your pick.

Either way, you're getting bullets.

Wow. That was lame.
  • I'm about to make some 1,000+ calorie mac 'n cheese and watch The Biggest Loser. Funny.
  • Backflip needs more clients. Desperately. And it's not even for money's sake. I just really like taking pictures of people :(
  • I am conflicted. To get a "real" job, or to not get a "real" job. Ugggggggggggh.
  • Should I have a baby now? Everyone else is doing it!
  • We are going to be in central AR until at least 2010. Yeah, just found that one out yesterday.
  • I'd really like to go to Spain or Germany. Or Texas. Because all three of them are so alike??
  • I need to read more of Twilight. Maybe I'll do that after Loser.
  • There's a job on the base that sounds super great. It's marketing and right up my alley. But it's full time and pays less than teaching. Again, uggggggggggh.
  • There's a university close by hiring journalism professors, too. I asked if they'd accept the fact that I only have a Master's and they said yes. That's stinking great and something to consider. I always wanted to be a professor, but I want to be a real one. Ya know, Dr. Webb. Not Mrs. She-Doesn't-Really-Have-A-PhD-So-I'm-Not-Taking-Her-Class-Seriously-Webb.
  • I graduate next week and that's awesome. I'll be honest. I can rock that gown and hood.
  • We're having a graduation dinner next week with our BFFs and that's even more awesome!
  • I need to wrap Christmas presents. Would it be bad if I watched Dark Knight first and then wrapped it?
  • I am seriously - not even funny - addicted to The Unit. Who knew?! Husband told me about it a few days ago and we rented the first season. ADDICTED!!!! I want to watch them right now, but Husband is flying tonight and that's just mean to watch without him.
  • Today's weather made me sleepy. My gosh.
  • Chad and Kelly are coming next week and that makes me SO HAPPY! Last year Kelly came during my Miss Fitness America phase and I made her run in 28 degree weather. Yeah, we're not doing that that this year. Sorry, Kel!
  • My new favorite hobby with Husband is going to the shooting range. Talk about empowering!
  • The 50AS Christmas party on Sunday was a hoot. I had to wrap a box with one hand tied behind my back and Husband chugged egg nog as part of the festivities. Barf.
  • OK, the show's about to be on. I guess that's all for now.

December 8, 2008

pictures are up on backflip!

I'm excited to say that Tyly & James' pictures are up!

Go take a look and please leave comments on backflip's site!

December 6, 2008

what's up with me?

I haven't blogged in a while because the only "interesting" thing I have to say is quite depressing and I've been avoiding it like the plague.

So whatever. Here you go. The results from my consult with the chiropractor:

(If this bores you, I understand).

Basically, there are 4 phases of spinal deterioration. Phase one is a healthy spine, 4 is the worst. Guess where I fall? In between phase 2 and 3. Seriously. I'm 26, people. That's ridiculous.

I got to see my X-rays and let me tell you, it was bad. I always knew I had a slight curvature in my spine, but actually seeing it for what it was shocked me. My lower back curves insanely to the right. My pelvic bones (hip bones) are uneven. One is higher than the other, meaning that one of my legs is longer than the other and my shoulders are also off-kilter, as well as my head. Nice. "Growths" have already started to develop within my pelvic bone region as a result of heavy wear and tear of the vertebra in my lower back. I am more susceptible to arthritis and osteoporosis than my peers (translation: I'll be hunched over at 40, while my husband won't be until he's 80). Not good news.

Can it be reversed? No. The only thing we can do is maintain the condition it is in right now. I can have surgery to make my back straight, but that is absolutely the last thing I want to do. It's quite depressing.

On another note, I had the most vivid dream last night that I had a baby boy! And he was oh-so-beautiful and perfect. Every little thing I know about the "labor process" was in this dream...the epidural, the afterbirth (gross, I know), the cord, my husband's face, etc. etc. I wonder what this dream could mean. I've heard that if you dream of babies, the baby in the dream actually represents yourself. Hmm...

So that's what's up with me. Exciting, I know.

December 3, 2008

tyly & james.

I am practically bursting at the seams in an effort not to post the slideshow on Backflip from their shoot! I have it ready for the most part, but I'm still not liking the quality of the pictures when they show up in this one slideshow I'm experimenting with. They just aren't as clear as I'd like them to be. They don't look like that in "real life," so I'm kind of stumped as to why they turn out kind of blurry in the montage. How frustrating!

I just couldn't help myself with this picture, though. This is probably one of my absolute faves from their entire shoot. I just love this!!! Aren't they so stinkin' cute?!

not perfect, but better.

I went to the chiropractor this morning and got some X-rays done. Sure enough, I have scoliosis. I kind of already knew I did, but now it is confirmed. My spine is crooked like a politician! (10 points if you can name the movie).

I got an adjustment and you should have heard my bones! Crack crack crack crack! It felt soooooo good! The one adjustment supplied some immediate relief, but things still aren't "normal." I'm not sure they ever will be.

Aaron wants me to get a back brace. Hehehe. I told him that was so Romy and Michelle. "You know, even though I had to wear that stupid back brace and you were kind of fat, we were still totally cutting edge."

I am going back to tomorrow to discuss my X-rays and work out a game plan for treatment, I suppose. I'm also going to try to get another adjustment. Merry Christmas to me! This is where all our money is going to go! Bah humbug!

On another note, I *tried* to do some shopping today - in pain - and I am totally stuck. What are you all getting your in-laws? How about your fathers? They're tough to buy for!!

December 2, 2008

uggggggh!!

Today was supposed to be productive and wonderful, but alas...the back pain has returned in all its glory.

This has been the perpetual "thorn in my side" for years now. My back hurts. All the time.

I was visiting a chiropractor while I was living in Corpus Christi and I believe it helped at the time. Well, that was over 3 years ago. The time has come!!

We've been avoiding a visit to the chiropractor for years because of the cost. We can afford it, sure. But it's just one of those purchases you don't really want to pay for. Our health insurance doesn't cover the cost, so we have to pay for my visits in cash. Can Obama help me, please? With or without his help, I've had enough! Let me describe to you, as best as I can, what I am feeling right now:

A sharp, throbbing pain surrounding my left hip bone. It starts in my lower back and moves around my hip, all the way down to my knee. I can't stand up straight because it feels like all the muscles in my lower back are too short and too tight for the job. It feels like a green blob is surrounding my left hip bone and is eating away at it. Like a festering disease. It quite literally feels like my hip bone is deteriorating. It comes in waves, but for the past month or so, these waves have lasted longer and longer. My left butt cheek is numb. I feel like I'm hunched over (because I am) without any room to stand up straight. Laying down on my back hurts because it places too much strain on my lower back (just about my butt). Standing hurts because I can't do it the right way. I can't lay on my left side because that's putting too much pressure and weight on that hip bone. It's a pulsing, throbbing, electric pain AND IT SUCKS!!!!

I'm a bit depressed right now because I had wanted to use today to go Christmas shopping and to finish decorating our house. I had also planned to cook chicken fajitas tonight, but I haven't been able to stand up for longer than about 2 minutes before having to sit down and fidget for a comfortable position, that usually only last a minute or two before I have to fidget some more.

I have an appointment with a chiropractor tomorrow. I hope and pray that she can offer me some relief.

This.is.a.nightmare.

November 30, 2008

pampered chef and christmas threw up in my living room.

We got back from Texas yesterday and let me tell ya - it's good to be home! We had a great time in Del Rio, but there's nothing quite like sleeping in your own bed, is there?

I received my $700 worth of Pampered Chef goodies today and I am so, so happy! No, I didn't spend $700, that's just the amount of stuff I got for hosting a party. I paid about $250 for it all. Incredible! I had a blast opening each and every item. It was like an early Christmas!

Speaking of Christmas, Aaron and I got "the tree" out of the storage unit this afternoon and we also went up into the attic and retrieved the additional Christmas gear. My living room is a mess! I think I'm going to decorate everything during the week sometime and save "the tree" for this weekend when Aaron can help. It's no fun setting up "the tree" alone!

I am very thankful this holiday season because my husband is home for Christmas! I didn't even get decorations out last year - that would have been too depressing. I really did not want to venture out into the cold today and get the tree and other things. But...he's here this time.

And that alone is worth it.

November 22, 2008

del rio or bust.

The blogging may be a little slow around here for the next week or so. Like the Pat Green song, Aaron and I are southbound 35 all the way to the border (Well, ok you have to get on highway 90 eventually, but whatever).

I.can.not.wait.to.be.in.Texas!

We seriously need a break from Arkansas and there's no better place to be than Texas anyway, where people know your name and the skies are not cloudy all day.

I have packed three books, a Netflix, and four different sets of pajamas.

Bring on the sloth that is the holiday season! Bring it on!

November 21, 2008

a great email!

Cassandra:
I gave the graduate school the report of your examining committee (which I will send a copy of to you Monday for a keepsake) today. It was signed by all members of your committee. You have earned a masters of arts in journalism from UALR. Congratulations.

dz


oh, there you are, peter!

This is a sad thing to admit, but I had never seen the movie Hook until last night! It was on TBS this weekend and I decided to record it. I finally got around to watching it last night and oh.my.goodness.

This scene made me cry like a baby. So did the one when he finally uses his imagination at the dinner table. But this scene. I don't know. It just kills me. If you've seen the movie, maybe you can understand?

November 20, 2008

pictures on backflip!!!!

I am so excited to say that Backflip Photography had its first ever clients and the pictures are up and running! Go check it out, make sure the song is playing, and enjoy! I would love feedback, as long as it's not TOO mean. I'm serious - try not to hurt my feelings. Ha! I don't like how small the pictures show up in the slide show, but there were just SO MANY good ones that I couldn't limit myself to just posting 2 or 3 the normal way.

And when I say "SO MANY good ones" I'm not gloating. It's really because the Tates were so amazing! Of the 190 shots I took of them, about 85-90 of them were edit-worthy. Seriously! That's how great these two are! They were so much fun to work with. It was so good, in fact, that it never once felt like work. Wow.

So, there ya go. The first ever album. Tell all your friends.

Am happy.

"a good young couple, those two."

Page 56Rules:

* Grab the book nearest you. Right now.
* Turn to page 56.
* Find the fifth sentence.
* Post that sentence here.
* Don't dig for your favorite book, the coolest, the most intellectual. Use the CLOSEST.

From The Wedding by Nicholas Sparks.

November 19, 2008

teaser.

It's 1:38 a.m. and I am dog-tired. I cannot imagine posting pictures on Backflip right now, but I will tomorrow.

Here's one of my favorites from today - and this will most likely be their album cover. I'll have my "most special" of all their 190 shots (!!) posted soon...which is going to be hard to narrow down since the Tates are so darn photogenic!! Goodnight.


P.S. Sue is due in 4 weeks!

November 18, 2008

add backflip.

Please add Backflip Photography to your blogroll to see updates and things. There should be an update sometime this evening! :)

http://backflippix.blogspot.com/

November 17, 2008

here goes...everything?

The Reba/Kelly concert was amazing. But you already knew that. One of the best parts about it was that "Barbra Jean" (a.k.a. Melissa Peterman) opened the show with a comedy act. She was hilarious. Ah, good times. I didn't get any pictures because, well, my crappy point-and-shoot just didn't do the job.

Speaking of cameras, here it comes.

Oh boy.

I've spent the last three days or so creating something that makes me really nervous. Remember my rant about wanting a job that makes me want to do back flips? Well, as of this weekend, Backflip Photography is borneth. Or something.

Yes, people, I am trying my hand at taking pictures for mula.

It makes me all fluttery inside my chest and a little sick to my stomach, but here it is. I present to you, Backflip Photography. There's not a whole lot on there yet, but I've got my first session booked for tomorrow.

(And yes, I am painfully aware that my "website" looks like a friends of ours', but I fought tooth and nail to find a site elsewhere. It just wasn't happening for free, and I hate that I've "copied" her in this way...but hers is just so good). Ugh.

Ok, I'm gonna go vomit now. Enjoy?

November 15, 2008

i've failed to mention...

that I am going to see Reba and Kelly tonight!!!

How great is that!? (Despite your opinion concerning their music, they are freakin' mega stars and Lana and I have great seats and that's all that matters).

Ahhhh!! So excited!!

P.S. This makes me cry:

November 14, 2008

better.

As always, things got better. We duked it out, I mean TALKED it out, when he got home and everything is fine now.

I also took a look at my pills and realized....DUN DUN DUN...it is definitely PMS time. That explains a lot.

So yeah, everything is fine again. Yay!

On another note, I am so ready to go Christmas shopping!! I have no idea what I'm buying for anyone, but I want to shop, shop, shop! Aaron seriously needs to transfer our Christmas "savings account" to checking so I can get started!!

I love the holidays :)

November 13, 2008

fall.

I've got another post below this one, just in case you were wondering.

This is what I did today instead of doing the laundry or cleaning the kitchen or...anything.

It was good for me. The sun is always good. Fall is good.












now what?

It was a great feeling - a super great feeling - to turn in my paper yesterday.

I had no idea that it would leave me feeling so...lost.

For the rest of the day, I fell into quite a depression. It reminded me of a sermon/inspirational-something I once heard about a NFL player who became depressed after he and his team won the Super Bowl. The sadness comes in asking yourself, "Ok...now what?" You can't go any higher. You feel like you've hit the top. And there's nothing left to do, nothing left to strive for anymore.

I am not equating my silly project with winning the Super Bowl...but in a way, the idea is the same. What do I do now?

This is what I wanted, yes. But now that it's over...I feel sort of empty inside.

What do I spend my days doing now? I could get a job. I'd like a job. But I want a job that makes me do back flips.

Back flips? Yes, back flips.

Aaron and I were talking about all this when he got home last night and he told me he heard yet another sermon/inspirational thing on the radio about Ozzy (sp?) Smith -- the baseball player who would run out on the field and do, literally, back flips. When asked why he did such a thing, Smith just said, "Because I love baseball." (Or something to that degree).

To have a job like that is the ultimate goal. I don't want to work for the sake of working. I want it to mean something; I want to be inspired. I don't want to be a member of the rat race. I want a job that makes me want to do back flips.



On another note, Aaron and I got in the stupidest fight last night and I had the worst sleep of my life. Yes, we went to bed angry. Ugh, it stresses me out.

I asked him nicely if he could pat down/towel off the dog because Tex had been outside in the mud and we were headed to bed. He said he'd do it "in a little bit." (The worst and most annoying answer of all time).

I got on the computer and about 20 minutes later, Aaron was asleep on the couch. I asked him if he had toweled off Tex yet. His reply, "No, just leave him in his crate." (We never just leave him in his crate at night).

I asked, "All night?"

He said, "Yeah, I just don't feel like doing it."

I said, "That's the only reason you want to leave him in the crate?"

He said, (quite arrogantly), "Yeah."

I got mad at this point and said, "Fine, I'll just do it."

So I did it.

I went to the bedroom and he called out, "You goin' to bed?"

I said (quite rudely), "Yes!"

He walks in to the bedroom and throws his book on the dresser.

I said, "You were just being lazy!"

He said, "I know! And since you wanted it done so badly, you got it done."

This is a recap of what took place in that moment, IN MY HEAD:



I went to the bathroom and did my routine before getting to bed. By the time I got out, he was in his pouty sleeping position and ignored me while I got in bed.

I read a book, I watched TV.

Meanwhile, he snored.

He gets to be lazy and rude, while I end up doing the work and not sleeping. Totally fair.

MEN!!!!!!!!!!

I think we're still in a fight because I didn't touch him at all last night...which is also why I didn't sleep very well. I wish he'd learn how to say sorry or try to make things better. He just gets mad and shuts down when he knows he's in the wrong. It's like he's more mad at himself for being an ass instead of being mad at me.

I know I could be the better person and makes things better, but quite frankly, I'm tired of always being the one who fixes everything. I know, I know, I should still do it anyway, but....ugh. It always make me feel like a door mat.

I guess it's a bad day.

November 12, 2008

bliss.

What's better than a big, heaping pile of Chicken Pad Thai from Pei Wei, an ice-cold Coca Cola, warm, zebra-print pajamas, a comprehensive project finished and submitted, a gray, rainy day, and CMAs on in a few hours?

Not much, my friends, not much.

P.S. Have I told you I've given in to the craze? Yes, I just bought Twilight at Wal-Mart. This is soooo not my type of book, but I've been told the series is amazing by, oh, a million people. I am going to finish my latest Jodi Picoult book, Keeping Faith -- which sucks, by the way -- and then I'll start Twilight. Does anyone know what the second book of the series is called? Life is so, so good.

November 11, 2008

the lack of blogging is due to the following:

Remember the countdown ticker that once indicated that I had 14 some odd days to complete my comps project?

I laugh in the face of my countdown ticker for...THE PROJECT IS DONE (three days before deadline)!!

I am about to finalize it in terms of page numbers, cover sheet, etc. and then I am TURNING IT IN TOMORROW!

I am going to up to the university tomorrow for a graduation meeting and I have full intentions to drop off my paper, in all its glory, while I'm up there.

Now it's just a waiting game. Will I get approved for graduation? Will I not?

This is so exciting! I am so close to a master's degree I can almost touch it! What a sweet, sweet day it will be when that diploma is in my hands.

Here's hopin'!

November 9, 2008

where was i?

1 minute ago: taking the roasted tomatoes out of the oven.

1 day ago: at a passion party! ow! ow!

1 week ago: hanging out, working on my paper...always.

1 month ago: same as above.

3 years ago: Teaching 10th grade English.

5 years ago: My junior year of college, lovin' it.

7 years ago: Freshman year of college, having the best time of my life!!

10 years ago: 1998? I was a high school sophomore. Awww :)

November 8, 2008

pampered chef, anyone?

If anyone is interested in purchasing Pampered Chef items for the holidays (or for yourself), you can purchase items through me from now until Wednesday by going to this site:

www.pamperedchef.biz/chefn
ikki

If you do choose to buy anything, enter my name as Cassandra Webb.

If you have any questions, let me know.

So ends my selfish plug.

But really, Pampered Chef is FABULOUS! And if you haven't bought Christmas presents yet, their site has a lot of great gift ideas. All orders will be shipped in PLENTY of time for Christmas.

Cassandra

November 6, 2008

ugh!

There's nothing worse than food that doesn't turn out the way you anticipated!

I tried making these chocolate-filled cupcakes (sounds amazing, right?) tonight for my Pampered Chef party tomorrow and yeah...they aren't that amazing.

How disappointing!!

P.S. Selfish plug: If anyone is interested in buying some Pampered Chef products for Christmas presents, I'm your woman. Their stuff is awesome! (unlike my cupcakes). Just holla if you want anything and you can order through me. :)

15 quirks of yours truly.

Feel free to copy and paste. I'd like to read everyone else's!

1. Andrea Bocelli makes me cry like an infant.
2. I think a Starbucks cup in hand is the perfect fashion accessory for all seasons.
3. I realized tonight that I can't write without pandora.com or a cardigan.
4. I do better with paperwork when my nails are painted.
5. The same is true for reading books. It just feels prettier.
6. My butt is progressively getting larger and larger...and I like it. I'm channeling Jessica Biel.
7. I toss my husband's trash and dirty laundry he's left laying on the floor in his closet for him to deal with later.
8. I have to sit on the right side of our couch.
9. I have to turn off the big light in our living room and switch on the floor lamp and end table lamp when we're watching TV at night.
10. I like the smell of gasoline fumes. Always have.
11. My stomach always pooches out by the end of every day. Why?!
12. I still like driving my truck, despite those darn intolerable gas prices of a few months ago.
13. Every time I am alone in a parking lot, I mentally run through scenarios that involve myself killing an attacker. I usually think of the most painful way to get the job done.
14. I love checking the mail everyday.
15. I danced with pom-poms yesterday for the first time at the gym during Cardio Dance Party; it made me feel like the cheerleader I never was...and now I'm addicted.

November 5, 2008

clarity comes in the morning?

So, yeah, I was frustrated.

Still am.

But there is research to do and errands to run. Life goes on.

I've posted a note on facebook, if you're interested. I would put it here...but I'm not sure I can handle all the backlash today. If you want to read it, go on facebook and read it. Or not.

November 4, 2008

y'all ready to share the wealth?

Awesome.

My husband's new Commander-in-Chief is Barack Hussein Obama.

Let me display my excitement: Woo. Hoo.

P. S. I can't wait to work harder for the sake of people who refuse to work at all! Such a joyous night!

November 3, 2008

wake me when it's all over.

And no, I'm not talking about my comps project.

I'm referring to the election. I just don't want it to happen.

I have made a point to not air my feelings about this election on my blog...but I guess now is the time. If it offends you, I am sorry.

I really don't have much to say. I had a lot to say months and months ago. But now? Not a whole lot.

Here's my feelings (in a very small nutshell):

Neither candidate is going to change the world. Neither candidate is going to keep my husband from deploying to the Middle East. Neither candidate is going to do anything as far as my personal economy is concerned because my husband is amazing and we are absolutely and totally secure in that arena (investments, funds, mortgages, health insurance, etc.). If that's a totally elitist viewpoint, so be it. In an ideal Obama world, we would all be our brother's keeper, but we're not. Where was my sister's keeper when she was being beaten to death? It's a dog-eat-dog world and certain policy promises, quite frankly, do not apply to me. And those that do are just empty.

With all that in mind, I am rooting for the underdog: McCain. Yes, I said it.

Knowing full well that neither candidate is going to rock my world or bring peace and happiness to this nation (how's that for optimism?), I am opting to support McCain for two main reasons. 1). His service in the military. Call me biased, but having your shoulders broken while being tortured in a POW camp kind of hits home for me...just a little. 2). The conviction in his voice during the last debate. I don't know why, but I couldn't even watch it the whole way through. It was making me so sad. He seemed so desperate to get his points across. He looked defeated -as he may well be - but it was then that I felt like he wanted it more than the other guy. It's like the kid on the baseball team who's maybe not quite as good as the other boys, or popular, but tries with all his heart when he finally gets the chance to play. I don't know; maybe I'm just crazy.

Either way, McCain-Palin '08.

I won't be surprised whatsoever if Obama wins...but I won't be surprised if McCain pulls this off, either.

We shall see...and no, I will not sleep through the polling results. I'll be up watching, just like everyone else...I just don't want to look.

November 2, 2008

goal: december graduation.





If I can get my paper done in 12 days, I'm pretty sure I can graduate in December. That's a lot of late nights, people.

Can she do it!?!?

November 1, 2008

halloween '08.

Here are some pictures from last night's festivities. Beehives are fun!

Mr. Clean and his doting housewife.


That bald cap was a pain in the butt! Like the eyebrows? Those were my idea ;)

Lucy and me in the kitchen -- where we belong.

Tourist??

I believe the quote that accompanied this outfit was: "This costume arouses me."

Us.

October 31, 2008

why texas is the greatest state on earth.

Only in Texas will you see a longhorn in your residence hall. I love this!

October 29, 2008

mas photos.

I'll get a hair picture up here sometime. It's not that drastic, really. I doubt you'd even be able to see the redness. But I do like it.

I decided to take some more pictures. Why? Because I worked out today...for the third day in a row...and that somehow makes me deserve it. And also because I finished my photo story and I felt like I could use some time outside, away from all the technology. Ya dig?

But first...
This is set on macro-zoom. It's so zoomy that you can see a bit of lint (or something) that my diamond snagged. Now that's zoom, people. (I wished I had cleaned these beforehand, but this was just a spur-of-the-moment type photo). Sorry they look gross.

It's fall.
On the Color Swap setting.
I like zoom...and berries.
Acorn. Dead.
I miss Texas. And back-porch sittin'.

clarification.

Sorry I've been so obscure. To answer your questions...

I got the clothes at Belk in Little Rock. I typically think of Belk as an "old lady" store, but not so! I got a BCBG dress (originally $108) for $9.98! Insane! 

And about the camera -- I did not use a photo-imaging program to alter the colors. The camera does that all by itself with the proper settings! Cool, huh?? 

I am typing this from our crappy Mac laptop because my nice computer (desktop) has crapped out! Well, the monitor has. I am headed to Wal-Mart to buy the cheapest monitor man can make. We are going cheap because we're saving to buy a real computer (e.g., a MAC desktop). So exciting! 

More to come later. 

October 28, 2008

what's awesome?

Getting $668.99 worth of clothes at a high-end department store for only $72.84. 

That's what. 

October 27, 2008

fun with digital.

I am working on a story for a publication in Little Rock about how to take good holiday photos.

Feeling inspired, I finally dug out the manual for the new digital camera I got for my birthday (3 months ago)!! I began toying with the camera (a Canon PowerShot S5IS) and holy smokes! I had no idea it could do all these fascinating things!

Keep in mind my subjects are quite dull tonight, as I am home folding laundry and watching Aaron study for his check ride.

I give you: Cool Effects Photos Gallery Number One

I call this "Study Break"
Black and White and Read All Over
No Witty Title for This One
Hyper Zoom
That's all for now. More to come soon, as now all I want to do is take pictures like a mad woman.
 
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