January 31, 2009

"i feel like i'm in hell."

Warning: This post is going to be gross. Proceed with caution. 

Wanna know how to lose 2 pounds in one evening? Throw up all the food you've eaten for the past 3 days (or so). 

I am so dog sick right now. It all started last night. Aaron and I went to eat some Mexican food and I was feeling just fine. I ate soooooo much, I thought I was going to explode. We came home and were both in bed by 9:30. Carb coma, I thought. After about 30 minutes of tossing and turning, I told Aaron that I was "feeling ill." Boy, was that an understatement! 

I finally managed to fall asleep and then was wide awake at 11:47 p.m. and headed straight to the bathroom where I proceeded to throw up my entire dinner and food from a couple days ago, too. It was the most disgusting thing I have ever, ever experienced. Let me tell you, Mexican food coming back up the wrong way does NOT taste as good as it does going down the right way. Uggggggh. 

I should have received an award last night for most shots NOT in the toilet. My bathroom was a complete mess. It took me about 30 minutes to clean it all up. And I had to smile (sort of) when I saw that poor Obama on the cover of my People magazine got most of the brunt of my missed shots. So sorry, Barack! 

Needless to say, I am sick. I don't know what's wrong, but IT.IS.BAD. I've been in bed all day, feeling nauseated, weak, achey, fatigued, everything. Blah. My post title comes from what I said to Aaron today after I woke up from a nap. I really do feel like I'm in hell. My legs are so achey and sore. I was so freakin' dehydrated this morning -- my urine was brown. TMI? Sorry. I have been drinking water all day and just praying that I won't have to go to the hospital for an IV. 

Aaron has been taking good care of me today and we are now about to watch the UFC fights on pay-per-view. I know I must be sick because instead of going to our friend's house to watch the fights FOR FREE, I happily suggested that we pay the $45.99 just so I could stay home in my pjs. 

Pray for me. 

Uggggh. 

January 29, 2009

gettin' my hair did.

So I have an appointment tomorrow. And I have NO IDEA what I should do with my hair.

Any suggestions?

I know I still want it long (not quite ready for the Posh Spice cut) but I am sooooo tired of it the way it is. Should I get bangs again? What color should I do? Right now it's dark brown with some red highlights. Husband wants blonde chunks -- says it looks more "edgy." I do want something more "edgy," as the hair I have now is becoming quite...boring. But blonde? Again? Ugh.

Ideas on color? Cut? Help!!

January 27, 2009

love a "snow day!"

Sylvan got canceled for the night due to weather and I couldn't be any happier! As much as I love working there, there is just nothing better than being at home, in pj's, with your husband, watching "your shows" while the oven cooks yummy dinner and the world outside freezes over. 

I can't wait for Aaron to get home!!

Thank you, Jesus, for bad weather! :)

January 26, 2009

no more starbucks after noon!

I got absolutely no sleep last night. I'm serious. I laid there as I watched the clock change from 12 to 1 to 2 to 4 and then again when Aaron's alarm went off at 6. He left the house just before 7 and I FINALLY fell asleep. Unfortunately, I had to wake up at 8:30 because Texas is going to the vet.

I had a Mocha Light Frappaccino (sp?) yesterday around 4:30 pm. NEVER AGAIN!!!!!!!

Starbucks, you vex me! (Or maybe I'm just mad at myself).

Ugggggh...this is going to be a long day.

January 23, 2009

in dreams.

Two nights ago I had a lovely dream.

I was at a restaurant/bar and out of the blue, one of my ex boyfriends approached me and said hello. (This boy was very special to me in high school and when I first started college. I haven't seen him in over 8 years!)

He looked just as I remembered him, but he was somehow older in my dream. A bit more mature, perhaps rugged. He looked a bit wise and mysterious. He was an adult in this dream.

He was wearing a black T-shirt and jeans and had the same confidence in my dream that he did 9 years ago.

In the dream, I smiled and asked, "Well, how are you??"

He said, "I'm doing the whole Army thing. I like it." (I don't think he's really in the Army).

"Good for you," I said. We talked for a little while, catching up, like old friends do. In my dream, I wanted to reach out to him, hold his hand, hug him. But I am a married woman, after all, and those things just aren't appropriate.

And that was the end of the dream.

I woke up and it got me thinking...we dream of them not because we are still in love with them, but because they are still a part of us. For whatever that means. At a point in time, this person owned every ounce of my being. And I'm just not quite sure a soul ever recovers from that.

Our amazing mind has the capability to transform space and time. We remain ageless. What we felt 9 years ago is still tangible. It all comes back.

And although dreaming about someone you used to love is a bit unnerving, you can't deny that the unexpected trip back in time doesn't make you smile.

Then you come to, make your morning coffee, feed the dog, and carry on. Life goes on. People move on. You realize you have an amazing husband sleeping next to you. But you can't help but think about that dream and what it meant. And you can't help but be a little thankful for the human brain and it's ability to take us back whenever it wants.

They're nice things, those dreams.

January 22, 2009

so i'm thinking...

it's probably about time to take the Christmas tree down, don't ya think?

Or I could take a nap.

Hmm...decisions, decisions.

P.S. I just got back from "nannying" and I got to hold Baby for like, two hours straight while we glided in the chair. My left shoulder smells like baby powder and milk. Ahhhh, so wonderful.

January 19, 2009

man sweetness.

My husband. What can I say?
  • He offered to go buy groceries this afternoon -- by himself -- and he actually did it. 
  • He made me a snack before I headed out to work in a rush. And I didn't even have to ask. 
  • He called me "beautiful" this morning even when I was being crabby. 
  • He helped with the laundry. Like, he sorted the clothes and everything. 
  • He helped me clean the kitchen last night with no protesting or hesitation. No "In a minutes," either. 
  • He helped me cook dinner last night. He grilled the fish outside, I did the inside stuff. 
  • He came home for 20 minutes today "just to kiss my face." His words, not mine. 
I think he likes me. 

This just goes to show you that you should never, ever, ever keep your feelings quiet. Our conversation last Sunday has changed the whole dynamic of our marriage. My goodness. I hope it lasts and I am actively doing everything I can to make sure it does. Our time is limited, ya know.

January 17, 2009

the best friday night, ever.

Boy, do I have a story.

Background: Aaron and I, as all married couples, fell into a slump for the last two months. He not being romantic, my eventual disappointment and frustration, blah blah blah. No time for each other, too busy with other stupid things, snippy comments back and forth, blah blah blah. Well, we had our knock-down drag out conversation over all this mess last Sunday and it was b-r-u-t-a-l. But it worked. And we're better. So much better, in fact, that this happened...

He normally goes to his ju-jitsu classes throughout the week during the evenings. Sounds nerdy, but he could totally kick your ass. Anyway, he isn't "supposed" to go on Friday night because that's our time, right? Well, he said he was going to go last night. I've sort of just resigned myself to the fact that this is his interest and I needed to support it, no matter what. So, I sighed and said, "Ok." He'd been going all of the other Fridays, anyway. Who was I to say no?

He asked me if I wanted to go to dinner before class and then go with him to his class afterward. I'll take what I can get, I thought. "Sure," I said. So, he went to work and I did my errands and came back home to get ready.

We left for our sushi dinner at Crazy Hibachi around 5:30. Dinner was amazing. We ate the best sushi in town and had a generally good time. (Both of our attitudes have been transformed by the grace of God alone and that's made dinner outings so much more enjoyable). Anyway, he kept looking at his watch and said we "kinda needed to eat in a hurry." How annoying, I thought. But I smiled and said, "Ok, babe." I just figured he really wanted to be on time for class.

So...dinner was over and I thought we were on our way to his class. I had brought New Moon and the latest "People" with me so I wouldn't be too bored. So we were driving and he took a left when he should have taken a right, but I didn't think anything of it -- I just thought he was going a different way to his class. There are two ways to get there, ya know.

He asked me to look in the glovebox to check if the registration renewal card (that we just got a day ago) was in there or not. I rummaged around, found it, and said yes. He asked, "Are the stickers in there, too?" I rummaged some more and then something caught my eye: Tickets to Altel arena. I cocked my head sideways and examined the tickets. Surely these must be old tickets from a concert a long time ago. And then I saw it...BRAD PAISLEY. That concert was tonight. I really wanted to go to that concernt. Wait a minute! What the?!?!

I looked at Aaron, who had the biggest smile on his face, and I knew right then -- he had bought me tickets for the concert THAT night and we were definitely NOT going to ju-jitsu. This was a surprise, wonderfully romantic date night that I had been wanting for ages! I immediately burst into tears. I haven't felt that way in a long time. My heart burst with love for that man. In his mind, it seemed, he was feeling the same way. It had been a while since he had done something specifically nice for me like that and the way it affected me made him a bit emotional, too. I put my head on his shoulder and said "thank you" as I tried not to ugly cry too much. I mean, we were going to see...

BRAD PAISLEY!! I had been wanting to go to this concert sooooooo bad. I just figured I wouldn't go because I had no one to go with and surely Aaron wouldn't want to spend all that money. But he did!

We headed to Little Rock, parked, walked in the cold hand-in-hand and watched one of the best concerts, ever! It was up there with the Journey concert, y'all. And that's saying a lot.

Darius Rucker (Hootie) opened up for him and he was just amazing. He was actually one of main reasons I wanted to go to this concert so bad. Dierks Bentley followed and he was great, too. And then...glory of all glories, my Brad Paisley was next. I almost died. I have the hugest celebrity crush and utmost respect for Brad Paisley and his music and his life and everything. I boo-hooed when I saw him because I was just SO STINKIN' HAPPY! What an amazing surprise. I had NO CLUE. I was fully prepared to sit around in a hot and stinky waiting room for three hours while my husband did his...whatever it is he does. But no! I got to see BRAD FREAKIN PAISLEY!! Agghhh!!

His concert was so, so good. If his Party Tour is making a stop nearby and you're a fan of these guys, GO SEE IT. I bawled during "Letter to Me," "Waitin' on a Woman," and "When I Get Where I'm Going." Oh man. His concert incorporated a lot of mutli-media (i.e. pictures of him in high school during Letter, Andy Griffith video during Waitin', and the clincher: Photos of his grand-daddy during When I Get Where I'm Going).

The best parts of the concert:
  • Darius Rucker , most definitely. Everything about him, especially him singing "Let Her Cry." Wow.
  • Alison Krausse's "guest appearance" during "Whiskey Lullaby."
  • BB King "live satellite feed" during "Let the Good Times Rol." - Rachel, you would have loved that.
  • Brad's paisley guitars of every color.
  • Brad's impeccable guitar skills.
  • Brad in general.
  • Tribute to incredibly amazing people have passed during "When I Get Where I'm Going." Ronald Reagan, Kennedy, Johnny Cash, James Brown, his grand-daddy, the victims of 9-11, just to name a few. Oh my. I cried.
  • The guy sitting next to me :)
It was just phenomenal and it meant the world to me that Aaron made it a surprise like that. He is truly a good man and I am constantly reminded of how good I have it. We may bicker and become "old news" to each other every now and then but no one in the world has ever loved me the way that man does. And if that's all that ever comes out of this life of mine, I can say with full confidence that that would be enough.

More than enough.

January 13, 2009

friends, the time has come.

No, I am not pregnant. 

But the anxiety that accompanies an eminent deployment is making its way slowly back to me. 

You can't understand what it feels like, I don't suppose, unless you've been without your husband for months at a time. We still have about a month before he is set to go, but the big, black rain cloud that was once a distant thought is now looming right over my head. 

You spend your days up until he leaves feeling anxious about everything. You stress out over the smallest things. You try desperately to make everything perfect at all times -- an impossible feat. You feel sad. You realize all that you're going to miss. You try to push all those thoughts out of your head, but you can't. You just can't. You look at his face and tears sting your eyes because you can't believe you're going to have to live without that nose, those lips, that hair for months in a row...again.

You think about all you'll miss out on. You cringe at the thought of dinner dates or social gatherings with friends because you know you'll be the only there alone. You hang on to every kiss as though it will be the last because let's face it, it just might be. 

You know it's out of your hands, yet that doesn't ever make it easier to take. You know he will be coming back home and you only know this because you refuse to know any different. 

Oh, friends. The time has come for wishy-washy me. Sad me. Angry me. Lonely me.

Deployment me.

nothin' much.

Don't have too much to say, but I got tired of looking at that old post title.

So..uhm...bullets?
  • I am loving Sylvan so far. It's exceptionally rewarding. But I think I already mentioned that.
  • I have never washed as much laundry in my life as I did this weekend.
  • 500 a day is awesome. I just hope it works, at least a little.
  • Small business ventures are super great.
  • My right calf muscle is killing me.
  • My excitement over the new seasons of Biggest Loser and American Idol is almost unhealthy.
  • January needs to last longer.
  • The more news I watch, the more annoyed I get. I think journalism has gone down the tubes in recent years.
  • I need to go to bed.
Wow. That was about as interesting as mold growing on bread. Sorry.

January 7, 2009

i'm lovin' it!

This new year has started off wonderfully. That's always been a warning sign to Aaron and me, though. "If things are going so good now, that must mean something bad is going to happen." Here's hoping that's not the case.

Reasons why 2009 is awesome:
  • The photography "biz" is slowly, but surely, growing.
  • The 500 a day for 30 days blog truly makes me happy to no end. Working out like this (and it's only been 4 days) has really motivated me to be better, do better. I'm still heavier than I want to be and can't wear the jeans I used to, but I feel better on the inside. That's important.
  • My husband is awesome. But he's like that every year. (Sidenote: Major "boo" to the fact that he's going to deploy next month...for the third time...but we're only talking about good things right now).
  • I have some really great friends.
  • The job at Sylvan (although it's only been two days) is amazing! It is sooooo up my alley. You actually get to *gasp!* TEACH the kids! I met a girl today (who will remain nameless because we all know how the whole blog/work thing ended last time) who really made my heart all warm and fuzzy. My eyes literally welled up with tears when she grasped the concept we were working on. There's more to it, but I'll leave those details out because, well, ya know, I don't want to get threatened again.
  • The "nannying" thing has also been a great gig. I got to cuddle for like, 3 hours with an 8-week-old baby boy this morning. And I got paid for it. I mean, really.
  • I have discovered etsy. And I mean, like, really discovered it. Way good for me. Way bad for our checking account. Speaking of etsy, here is my official shout out to songbirdpie and TwosSistersCrochet. Check them out! Super cute stuff!!
  • I am finally doing what I've been meant to do all along. I feel (FINALLY) that I have found my resting place, my spot under the shady tree. I am working with kids (Sylvan, nannying) because let's face it - as much I complained about teaching, kids and babies are still pretty darn great. And I am taking photographs and writing and getting paid for it...which is amazing because both have been my passion for years and years. And I am a wife to my husband, which although is incredibly traditional, brings me utmost happiness and fulfillment.
2009 is good. Let's hope and pray it stays this way.

January 6, 2009

new photos on backflip!

Please click here to see the newest photos on Backflip Photography. I am very proud of these. Leave comments if you feel the urge :)

January 5, 2009

new year: new special.



nevermind.

I found out my answer. It is indeed illegal. Boo. Makes sense, though.

does anyone know if...

it's illegal to place ads for one's business INSIDE the mailboxes of private residences? Or must one walk the ad up to the door of a private residence?

January 3, 2009

hi.

So, I haven't forgotten about this blog or anything. I've just been super busy with photos (YAY!) and the 500 a day blog.

Aaron's birthday is tomorrow and it's SO HARD to be sneaky when you live with someone! I want to bake a cake for him as a surprise...but that's kind of hard to do when he's in the living room, eh?

I had a photo session with Avery Sanders yesterday morning. She was the most perfect baby on Earth and the feeling of calm that her mama, Lauren, casts over the household is just so...amazing. I hope to be a mother like that (if I ever become one). The pictures are ready, but I'm waiting to hear from Lauren first before I post them, etc. Warning: The slideshow makes me cry. Every. Single. Time.

Other than that, life is good. I start my job at Sylvan on Monday and I am super excited about it! I'm ready to get back into some sort of routine and I'm really ready for a paycheck! ;)

Now I'm off to eat some "fuel" for Day 2 of 500 a day. Can I say that after one workout, I already feel thinner?

January 1, 2009

tomorrrow's the day!

Ahhh, I'm scared! 

Tomorrow starts the 500 a day for 30 days "experiment." I have eaten like a total piggy today because I know I won't be able to for some time. Actually, I take that back. I don't plan on changing my eating habits too much, but I know that pancakes, Chicken Parmesan, and Coca-Cola won't be good fuel for the 500 calories workouts that ensue. 

So...tomorrow, people. If you still want in, let me know and I can make you a contributor/author on the blog. 

Go here to read more about it. I posted two articles that I think are pretty helpful, especially for those without a Polar watch. 

Tomorrow's gonna suck!!! But we can do it. Yes we can. (hehe). 
 
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