August 22, 2011

lessons, lately.

On my last day as a housewife/SAHM a few weeks ago, I felt the Lord speak into my heart to make a home-cooked meal for my Husband and his six other classmates who often have no time during the day to eat, let alone eat anything healthy or homemade. The course they are in keeps them gone all day and most of the night and food is the last thing on their minds.

So, I felt the prodding. And I followed through. For once.

I really didn't want to make them dinner, necessarily. It was a lot of work on my LAST DAY as a lady of leisure. But I listened because I just felt compelled to. I brought green beans, pecan and cornflake-crusted chicken, and jalapeño cornbread. I didn't stick around to see their reaction because in that moment, that just would have felt weird. I told Husband to bring home the dinnerware and spoons and then I left. He then called the rest of the guys to the meeting room where they ate their dinner while taking a much-deserved break from the grind.

When I got in my car to drive home, I was beaming. It was such a good feeling. Not that cooking dinner for seven men is like, the most amazing thing anyone can do, but it was more that I actually listened and followed through. It felt so nice to do something kind for someone else. It was then that I asked to hear Him even more. That He would speak more things like that into my heart. That my ears would be tuned to Him and his leading. Boy, does He deliver!

A few days ago, I was driving around base dropping off marketing materials to various facilities. I was almost done with my "route." In fact, I just had one more stop to make. I was hot and quite irritable and was hoping that no one would be in next office. That I would be able to simply leave the poster on a desk or slide it under the door. Didn't happen. I pulled up and was greeted by a very zealous, overly-eager airman who asked me if he could help me. I asked him to please hang up the poster in the meeting room. He said he would be happy to and asked if there were any more marketing materials to distribute in the dorms. I said my supervisor had sent an email to so-and-so about 400 flyers but we hadn't got confirmation to proceed, blah blah. He said he wasn't So-And-So, but that I could email him next time and he would see to it that they get distributed. Then, he handed me his business card. Apparently, he was the dorm manager. I was so annoyed at his gusto. When I saw the card, I thought: "What a dork. Like, seriously? You need a business card to indicate that you're a dorm manager?" I smiled and thanked him for being so helpful and then walked back to the van. Before I even took three steps, a message rang in my ears so loudly that I stopped walking and repented right then and there for my terrible attitude. The message? "You stop it right now. This is the first time he has ever felt important."

Even now, days later, it still brings tears to my eyes that I was so judgmental. But I am THANKFUL that I was able to hear such an important lesson. I asked to hear Him. That never meant that I would hear only good things :)

Today my sweet baby girl had to go to the doctor because she has contracted pink eye :( I had to go back to work, but I felt wretched leaving her when her eyes looked so bad. She was acting fine, of course, but it just looked awful. I picked her up as soon as I could and was pretty disappointed with what I saw. She was fussy before she knew I was watching (she didn't get a good nap today) and her eyes hadn't been cleaned and her nose was running. Nothing irritates me more than a messy baby. Babies are human beings and need to be treated with dignity. What adult would want to go around all day with snot coming out of his nose and food caked on her cheeks? I am a big stickler for clean children and it just really bothered me that she was so filthy :(

I brought her home and promised her extra snuggles and love tonight. It had been a rough day for both of us. After dinner, I gave her a good, long bath and wiped her beautiful, blue eyes with a warm washcloth until they were all clean. I put the antibiotics in her eyes (which she hated), used the aspirator for her drainage (more fussing), and applied the special medicine for diaper rash that we got from the children's hospital when she had a horrible stomach bug when she was 6 months old (more and more fussing). I put lotion on her skin and brushed her hair. I put extra-clean-just-came-out-of-the-dryer-warm pajamas and changed her sheets and dusted her crib. I wanted everything to be perfect for my baby tonight.

I turned on her lullaby machine and snuggled her up in her sleep sack. I turned off the lights and held her close in the glider as I gave her her "night cap" bottle, as I do every night. As we rocked and she had her bottle, all the while mesmerized with the pretty lights on the ceiling, I told her, "You know, I do these things to make you better. Those eyedrops aren't fun and I know you don't like them, but they're going to make your eyes pretty again. They won't hurt anymore and won't be yucky. I know you get mad at me sometimes, but I do things like use the aspirator so that you can breathe better at night time. Mama's never going to hurt you. Everything I am doing is because I love you and want you to get better."

Do you see where this is going?

I held her close and breathed in her sweet, baby smell. As she was drifting off to sleep in my arms, my eyes welled up with tears for two reasons. One, because I absolutely cannot stand my baby being sick and want to fix her immediately, but know that I can't. And two, because at that very moment I heard: "You see how you feel about her right now? That's just a drop in the bucket of what I feel for you, Cassandra..."

If you ask to hear Him, He is quick to answer. And it is revolutionary.

August 13, 2011

vivian blogs for the first time.

Deep thoughts by Vivian:

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Clearly, she sees life just like I do.

(I laughed so hard when she typed all those questions marks).

August 2, 2011

j-o-b!

I start my new job tomorrow! I should be readying an outfit, taking a shower, or doing something much more productive than blogging, but I'm excited and wanted to say that I start my new job tomorrow.

The End :)
 
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